Dick is putting together the mother of all joke sites!

Everybody gets a million of ‘em daily in their e-mail, but frankly, some of them are pretty crummy. Dick doesn’t know much…but he knows funny. So send your favorite, tasteless jokes today, and you’ll get credit for it right here on the site. Then, you can brag to your friends about how cool you think you are and you’ll have the (questionable) proof to back it up!

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A man one night leaves a bar, drunk as ever.
As he stumbles through the parking lot, he sees a nun walking along side the sidewalk.
He run over to her and just starts beating the hell out of her.
As she lays there, bloody and crying, he stands over her and says, "Not so tough tonight, are you Batman?"

Added By : Mike Starr

Yer mama is so stupid that she spent all day looking at a bottle of Orange Juice because it said "Concentrate".

Added By : Dj222

Guy walks into a doctor's office and tells the receptionist, "Help me, I think I'm invisible!"
The receptionist rushes into the doctor's office and tells him, "Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he's invisible."
The doctor replies, "Tell him I can't see him."

Added By : Booger picker

One day God came down to Adam in the Garden of Eden. He was sitting there looking lonely. So, God figured what Adam needed was a partner, a lifemate, somone to be his significant other, a companion. So, God says to Adam,"I can create you a perfect companion, a person to converse with, bond with, intertwine your deepest feelings and emotions with." Adam in turns says to God,"A perfect companion and mate would be the perfect compliment to myself and the Garden of Eden, but what will this cost me?" and God replies,"An arm and a leg." Adam, mulls this over for a few minutes, and then says?"What can I get for a rib."

Added By : Simma

They have finally released the ingredients in viagra

3% Vitamin E
2% Asprin
2% Ibuprofin
1% Vitamin C
5% Spray starch
87% Fix-A-Flat

Added By : Scott in Spanaway Wa

There are 3 bulls on a farm. The biggest bull is in charge of 20 cows, the medium bull is in charge of 10 cows, and the smallest bull is in charge of 5 cows.

Word spreads around the farm that a new bull is coming to the farm. All the bulls get angry and swear that the new bull isn't getting any of their cows.

The next day a massive truck pulls up to the farm and let's out the new bull. He is huge, about 3 times the size of the old big bull.

The old big bull says he can have half his cows, the medium bull says he can have half his cows as well. However, the small bull starts freaking out, he is tossing his head, pawing at the ground, getting ready to charge the new bull.

His friends ask him what he is doing, afraid he is going to get killed. "I just want to make sure he knows I'm a bull," he replied.

Added By : Mike

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, 'We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!' So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.

It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, 'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'

The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, 'I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?'
The guy says, 'I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!'

Added By : Norma Jean Lipert

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.

Added By : spawn6115

There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field, rowing a boat... with no water in sight.

The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, "What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt!"

Added By : SPAWN6115

One day a blond went to the doctor, and said, "My whole body hurts." The doctor said, "Show my where." she touched her head and said "ouch" touched her stomach and said "ouch." The doctor said, "I see the problem. Your finger is broken."

Added By : spawn6115

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